Fantastical Flying Squirrel: Intermission...

Homage to Bacchus

So, my desire for fame and fortune from writing hasn't come true yet, but...guess what? Anyone that knows me knows that is not why I started this in the first place. It was to find myself through travel, and uncover bits of my heart and imagination and psyche that have been smashed by adulthood, heartbreak, poverty, layoffs, heartbreak...and...heartbreak.

The reason I took this trip was to escape heartbreak. I experienced some TSG heartbreak while on the trip...and had the ultimate TSG heartbreak a month after returning. And because of this heartbreak, I have been neglecting/putting off/strongly avoiding my writing of this beloved blog... If you are following along, that means that the reason I started writing and traveling almost damn near sabotaged and ruined everything it was supposed to fix. I was letting it Sour My Memories and Experience. Really, Christene? Ugh.

When the going gets tough, the tough climb trees.
After drinking heavily.

Readers or No Readers...Popularity or Obscurity... I went on this trip. I lived this trip. It didn't go as planned...but in the end, it fulfilled its purpose. In the Six Months since I have been back, I have really felt like I have turned into an adult. I got promoted, moved again, broke up with Jess, adjusted to breaking up with Jess, cried like hell to get Jess back, attempted to move on from Jess, came back to Jess, cried like hell to get Jess back...tried to forget her, tried to fall out of love with her...tried to Move The Fuck On..but guess what?

Futile.

That girl has been a significant part of my life for about a year and a half...she has an important part in my heart. She is my best (female) friend...way more than that. We don't have the perfect relationship (for lack of better term). What we have supersedes that. I am a Romantic. Half of the Time, I am living in a dream world that is occupied by prancing squirrels and showtunes. What we have is Reality. Two very opposite people with a ton of love for each other that flat out don't know what to do with it. And Guess What? I am Finally OK with that. No Time Lines. No Pressure. No Me trying to "microwave her glacial pace." I am just sitting back and enjoying her in my life. I am savoring the time we get to spend together. She is on the road with her Very Important Job all the time. I have been living in hotels with my Very Important Job all the time. But...I feel we communicate better now than we ever have. Are we together? no. Am I OK with that? Most Days.

So what does this have to do with my Travel Blog? Well...I am already planning my next trip. (Details to come). Also, in a very dark moment, in a fit of pain and rage, I tore a few pages out of my travel journal that were particularly wistful and pathetic in my missing of her. They are in a bag of stuff I was going to heartlessly dump on her doorstep as a "Final Fuck You" to her upon finding out about a particularly Hurtful Lie/Betrayal. That bag is in a storage unit in Kansas City. I am in a Hotel Room in Jefferson City. Hopefully, I will remember to get them out and tape them in over Thanksgiving. The "taped-in nature" can, I am sure, be applied metaphorically to the "ripping out of my heart and piecing it back together"...but...I am not feeling that creative. So.. it is what it is. A few missing pages done out of a fit of passion filled hissy-tantrum. If I need to write around them, I will. After all, this is MY show and I will do what I damn well want.

Speaking of new chapters, enough of this whiny bullshit. I think it is time to talk about more Boozy Art Excursions, Possible violations of International Laws, and Skirting Ethics in ways that only a large consumption of wine can attempt to Justify. Barely.

Also: Please enjoy these gratuitious pictures of me partaking various reminders of Europe Since Returning from Europe. Let's call it a Shit-Show Prologue of sorts.